Bob Fabien Zinga

CISO: Strategic Leadership | Secure Enterprise IT Business Operations | Corporate Governance

Home » Influence or Manipulation? Leadership Lessons from the Navy and Silicon Valley

Influence or Manipulation? Leadership Lessons from the Navy and Silicon Valley

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Source: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/lead-influence-manipulation-leadership-lessons-from-navy-zinga-0yqic/

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” —Dhar Mann

“Doing the right thing for the right reasons helps us motivate, not manipulate others.” — John C. Maxwell

Imagine having the power to shape the morale and performance of an entire crew or team with just your words and actions. “Leadership is influence,” as taught by my mentor, leadership expert Dr. John C. Maxwell — “nothing more, nothing less.” The question is: what will you do with that influence? Will you use it to build others up, or to bend others to your will? As a US Navy Information Warfare Commander and a Silicon Valley cybersecurity executive, I’ve learned that there’s a thin line between inspiring your people and manipulating them for personal gain.

In both the military and the tech world, I’ve seen how leadership can either elevate a team or erode it. This article is written for the aspiring Naval Junior Officer dreaming of command, and for the Senior Security Engineer or Analyst in Silicon Valley aiming for a leadership role. Whether you’re in a crowded Navy wardroom or an open-plan startup office, the challenges of leadership share a common core. By drawing on my experiences from commanding Sailors and leading teams at companies like Pivotal Software, Inc., Truvantis, Inc., and Directly, I hope to shed light on what it means to lead with integrity — and how easy it is to stray when ego and the shadow self take over. I love motivating and inspiring others to step up and lead. In my experience, there is nothing more rewarding than shifting from success to significance, from a focus on self to a focus on others. As my Dr. Maxwell taught me: “Once you’ve tasted significance, success will never satisfy.” However, I must also warn you. Consider this a candid coaching session on recognizing the dark side of leadership within yourself and steering back toward true north.

Influence vs. Manipulation: The Thin Line of Leadership

Every leader carries a double-edged sword: the power to influence. Used honorably, influence can inspire excellence, loyalty, and growth in those you lead. But if abused, that same influence turns into manipulation, breeding fear and distrust. The difference often boils down to intent and integrity. Ask yourself: are you guiding your team for their benefit and the mission’s success, or are you pushing your own agenda at any cost?

I’ve learned that people can sense the difference. In the Navy, Sailors will follow a commanding officer into danger if they trust his character and know he puts the mission and their well-being first. In Silicon Valley, brilliant engineers will give you their nights and weekends if they believe you genuinely value their contributions. But the moment they suspect you’re using them as pawns for your ego, you’ve lost the battle for hearts and minds.

As leadership psychologist Derek Lusk cautioned:

“Dysfunctional leadership can perpetuate the misery of thousands of people…”

In other words, a toxic leader at the helm becomes the primary source of low morale and disengagement across the entire organization. History and experience show that short-term compliance won by coercion or deceit will quickly morph into long-term dysfunction. In contrast, influence earned through trust and respect fuels sustainable success.

One key lesson is that manipulation might get you a quick win or an illusion of control, but it always backfires in the long run. A manipulated team might meet this quarter’s goal out of fear, but they’ll be quietly updating their résumés right after. On the other hand, a team inspired by a leader’s integrity will go the extra mile, even when no one is watching. The stakes are high: leadership is influence, and how you wield that influence will make or break your command.

The Shadow Self: Ego, Power, and the Dark Side of Leadership

Every leader wears a uniform or a title, but there’s also an unseen uniform we carry inside — our motives, fears, and ego. Psychologist Carl Jung described the “shadow” as the parts of ourselves we hide or ignore. In leadership, our shadow self can be the hunger for control, the need to appear infallible, or the quiet fear that we’re not enough. If left unchecked, this shadow can derail even the most promising leaders.

I’ve witnessed talented officers and executives fall prey to their shadows. One common trap is ego. The higher you climb, the more tempting it becomes to believe your own press. An unchecked ego might make a junior officer publicly throw a peer under the bus to look superior, or prompt a manager to claim credit for their team’s work to impress higher-ups.

But as Andy Stanley pointed out:

“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” — Andy Stanley

When a leader’s ego convinces them they have all the answers, they stop listening. They dismiss advice and refuse to admit mistakes, creating an echo chamber of one. Over time, innovation dies and the team disengages — after all, why speak up if the boss isn’t listening? Ego-driven deafness slowly suffocates a team’s potential.

Another shadow pitfall is the craving for power and control. It’s natural to want your team to execute well, but beware of crossing into authoritarian territory. A leader driven by a need for control might micromanage every decision or manipulate information to maintain a façade of perfection. This is where integrity can slip.

“The most toxic behavior in a leader is when they act without integrity just so they can appear strong and powerful.” — John C. Maxwell

That toxic behavior is the shadow at work. It might stem from insecurity or past scars — yet its effect is always the same: a corrosive environment where people feel used, unsafe, and unvalued.

So how do you confront your shadow self? Start with honest self-awareness. Acknowledge that being in charge doesn’t make you immune to blind spots or bad impulses. I had to learn to pause and ask myself hard questions: Am I making this decision to help the mission or just to make myself look good? Am I reacting defensively because my idea was challenged? It’s not easy to shine a light on your own flaws. But a leader who can’t regulate their own ego and emotions will inevitably project them onto their team. The difference between a great leader and a dysfunctional one often comes down to humility and emotional maturity. Embracing humility doesn’t mean lacking confidence; it means having the confidence to admit you don’t know everything and to let others shine.

Lessons Learned from Navy Command

Leading in the Navy forged my leadership philosophy under pressure. In an environment where lives are on the line and missions are non-negotiable, I learned lessons that apply to any leadership role:

  • Mission First, People Always: Early on, a wise commanding officer taught me that accomplishing the mission and taking care of your people are not opposing goals – they are inseparable. On deployment, I saw divisions give 110% for a CO who they knew had their backs. That trust was earned through countless small actions: asking a Sailor about their family, jumping into the fray during drills, and openly sharing information instead of hoarding it. The lesson: take care of your team and they will take care of the mission. General Powell once said that “Good leadership is getting people to do a lot more than the science of management says. If the science of management says that the capacity of this organization is at 100 percent, good leaders take it to 110 percent.”
  • Rank and Respect Are Different: In the military, I could issue orders by virtue of rank and position, but I discovered that respect had to be earned. Barking commands might get immediate obedience, but it never won true commitment. The best Navy leaders I served under led by example and with fairness. They never asked us to do anything they wouldn’t do themselves. By contrast, I also saw leaders who demanded obedience through their title while showing little respect to others – their crews would do the minimum required and no more. True authority comes from character, not just an insignia on your collar.
  • Calm in the Storm: Operating in information warfare and cybersecurity units taught me the value of composure and integrity under pressure. When a critical system went down or an adversary knocked on our network’s door, the crew immediately looked to the skipper’s reaction. Panic or finger-pointing from the top would ripple chaos through the ranks. But if the leader stayed calm, owned the problem, and focused on solutions, it inspired everyone to step up. In crisis moments, you must lead with your values and keep ego in check. Owning mistakes, maintaining transparency, and keeping your word — those actions build a reservoir of goodwill that will see a team through the toughest days.

These Navy-born lessons all circle back to one idea: lead with integrity and put the team above yourself. When I eventually stepped into roles as a civilian executive, I found that these principles translated directly, even if the culture and stakes were different.

Lessons Learned from Silicon Valley Leadership

Transitioning to the fast-paced, innovation-driven world of Silicon Valley was humbling. I could no longer rely on rank or protocol; I had to lead through influence and adaptability. Here are some key lessons from the tech side:

  • Trust Is Earned, Not Given: In one of my first corporate security roles at Pivotal Software, Inc., I learned that technical experts don’t automatically defer to titles. I was “the new security guy,” and initially, some of my emails and recommendations were ignored. It wasn’t malice – people were busy and unsure if I understood their world. I had to earn their trust by building relationships. I spent time with the engineering teams, listened to their challenges, and showed I cared about helping them succeed (not just checking a compliance box). Slowly, skepticism turned into partnership. The takeaway: in a tech environment, influence comes from credibility and goodwill, not authority.
  • Influence Without Formal Authority: As a security lead at Truvantis, Inc. and Directly, I often had to guide people who didn’t report to me. Leading in a matrixed or client-driven organization meant refining my persuasion skills daily. I found success by aligning security goals with business goals – for example, framing a security update not as “we have to do this because policy says so,” but as “this will make our product more reliable for customers.” By appealing to shared objectives and showing respect for others’ expertise, I learned to lead by influence just like Papa John taught me. In startup culture, the mantra that leadership is influence truly comes alive: you lead by selling the vision and setting the example, not by issuing directives. I remember going through nine interviews to land my first role in Silicon Valley at Pivotal Software, Inc.—two more than the average candidate. Later, I learned that while my immediate supervisor was ready to hire me after our first conversation, stakeholders from other business functions—especially Engineering—wanted assurance. They needed to be convinced that I could successfully adapt from the structured, top-down command culture of the military to Pivotal’s flat, collaborative, and feedback-driven environment. It wasn’t just about technical competence; it was about culture fit, emotional intelligence, and the ability to lead with influence, not authority.
  • Embrace Agility and Learning: Silicon Valley moves at lightning speed. Effective tech leaders foster a culture where new ideas are welcomed and failures are treated as lessons, not liabilities. This was a shift from the more risk-averse military mindset. I had to learn to say “I don’t know, but let’s figure it out” — and I found that admitting I didn’t have all the answers actually built credibility with my teams of brilliant engineers. It showed that my ego wasn’t tied to being the smartest in the room. In turn, they were more willing to propose creative solutions and flag concerns early. A huge lesson for me was that humility accelerates innovation – when you as a leader are willing to learn and adapt, your team will be bolder and more innovative in solving problems.

Across Pivotal, Truvantis, Directly, and other ventures, the pattern was clear: the leaders who thrived in the long run were those who combined a strong vision with personal humility. Whether it’s on a Navy bridge or in a startup’s boardroom, people will rally behind a leader who genuinely listens, learns, and lifts others up. And they will quietly resist or exit under a leader who is out for themselves.

Staying on Course: Self-Awareness, Humility, and Empathy

How can we, as leaders and leaders-to-be, ensure we use influence ethically and avoid the traps of the shadow self? It starts by cultivating three crucial traits as our guardrails: self-awareness, humility, and empathy (the heart of emotional intelligence).

  • Self-Awareness: Great leadership begins with looking in the mirror. Regularly ask yourself why you want to lead and how you’re showing up. Are you aware of your triggers — those situations that make you defensive, impatient, or controlling? By identifying your own stress reactions and biases, you can keep your ego in check before it hijacks your behavior. In practice, this might mean pausing before reacting to bad news, or deliberately seeking input on a decision even when you think you’re right. Self-aware leaders also welcome feedback — even hard feedback — because they know there’s always room to grow.
  • Humility: Humility is the antidote to ego. It doesn’t mean doubting your abilities; it means recognizing the worth of others. A humble leader is quick to credit the team for successes and to accept responsibility for failures. Show your team that you are human and fallible. Admit when you don’t know something or when you’ve made a mistake. By modeling humility, you create a safe space for others to contribute ideas and point out problems without fear. This not only prevents the emperor-has-no-clothes syndrome, it also builds fierce loyalty — people naturally want to work harder for a leader who lets them shine.
  • Empathy & Emotional Intelligence: Leadership is a human endeavor, which means emotions are always in play. Cultivating empathy allows you to connect with your team’s perspective. Try to understand the hopes, frustrations, and fears of the individuals you lead. If a software engineer seems resistant to a new security policy, empathy might reveal they’re worried about slowing down a product launch or overwhelming their small team. With that insight, you can address the real concern (perhaps by adjusting timelines or providing extra support) instead of just enforcing compliance. Emotional intelligence also means managing your own emotions — staying calm under pressure and showing grace under fire. When you lead with empathy, you build trust and show your team that your intentions are to help, not harm.

Developing these qualities is not a one-time checklist but a continuous journey. In my career, some of the most pivotal growth moments came when mentors or teammates gave me candid feedback about my blind spots. It stung at first, but I’m grateful they cared enough to tell me the truth. My life partner, Demetria Zinga deserves much of the credit for shaping the man—and the leader—I’ve become. She’s always been my mirror and my anchor, unafraid to tell me the truth with love and quick to keep me grounded. No matter how many stripes I earn or titles I hold, she ensures I never let professional or personal achievements go to my head. As she lovingly reminds me, “You may be a Commander in the world’s most powerful Navy, but at home, you need to check that rank at the door.” Yes, Ma’am! I call her my home Commander. Everyone needs someone who will speak to you frankly and let you know when you’re tripping.

Leaders don’t grow in a comfort zone. Embrace the discomfort of honest self-examination — it’s far better than the destructive comfort of self-deception.

Practical Tips for Aspiring Leaders

Putting principles into practice can be challenging, so here are some actionable steps to help you lead with integrity and self-awareness:

  1. Invite honest feedback. Regularly ask your team and peers, “What’s one thing I could do better as a leader?” Make it safe for them to answer candidly. Listen without defensiveness. Act on the feedback to show you value it.
  2. Practice active listening. In your next meeting, talk less and truly listen more. Ask questions and pay attention to the answers. This builds trust and ensures you’re not missing valuable input. Remember Andy Stanley’s warning about listening — don’t become the leader everyone avoids with silence.
  3. Check your motivation. Before making a major decision or announcement, pause and reflect: Am I doing this for the right reasons? If you sense ego or personal gain creeping in, recalibrate. Ensure the choice aligns with your core values and the team’s well-being, not just your image.
  4. Own your mistakes, share your wins. Make it a habit to publicly acknowledge when you mess up and what you learned from it. Likewise, shine the spotlight on your team when things go well. This builds a culture of trust and sets a powerful example of integrity and accountability.
  5. Find an accountability partner. Identify a colleague, mentor, or friend who has permission to call you out when you’re veering off course. Ask them to watch for signs of ego or hypocrisy. Accountability is a leader’s safety harness for staying humble and true to your principles.

These practices may feel uncomfortable at first, but consistently applied they will strengthen your leadership character. Small habits, repeated daily, form a fortress against the temptations of ego and manipulation.

Reflect: Questions to Ask Yourself

Self-reflection is a powerful tool for growth. Here are a few questions to pause and ponder on your journey to becoming the leader you aspire to be:

  • Why do I really want to lead? Is it to serve a greater purpose and build others up, or to gain status and satisfy my own ego? Be brutally honest with yourself.
  • Would I want to work for someone like me? If you were in your team’s shoes, would you feel valued, heard, and motivated under your own leadership? What might you do differently if you were on the receiving end of your leadership style?
  • How do I handle criticism or bad news? Do I listen, learn, and adjust course, or do I get defensive and look for others to blame? Your reaction in those tough moments speaks volumes about your humility and maturity as a leader.
  • Am I building an environment of trust or fear? Think about your daily actions: do they encourage your people to speak up and take initiative, or push them to stay silent and play it safe? What does that say about the kind of influence you’re exerting?

Take time to jot down your answers or discuss them with a mentor. The goal isn’t to be self-critical for its own sake, but to shine light on areas where your shadow might be lurking. Awareness is the first step to improvement.

Charting Your Course Forward

Leadership is a journey of continuous self-discovery and service. No matter if you’re wearing a Navy uniform or a company badge, your influence is your legacy. Every day, you have a choice to use that influence to bring out the best in others or to burnish your own image. The line between influence and manipulation is thin, but with self-awareness and intention, you can stay on the right side of it.

As you move forward, I challenge you to examine your own shadow self. Be vigilant for those signs of ego, fear, or control-hunger creeping in, and confront them head-on. Commit to leading with integrity, empathy, and a long-term vision. When you lead for the right reasons, you won’t just achieve short-term wins — you’ll build teams that thrive, trust that endures, and a legacy you can be proud of.

The best illustration I have ever read about leadership is by Steven Pressfield in his book Gates of Fire, where he penned the words:

A king does not abide within his tent while his men bleed and die upon the field. A king does not dine while his men go hungry, nor sleep when they stand at watch upon the wall. A king does not command his men’s loyalty through fear nor purchase it with gold; he earns their love by the sweat of his own back and the pains he endures for their sake. That which comprises the harshest burden, a king lifts first and sets down last. A king does not require service of those he leads but provides it to them…A king does not expend his substance to enslave men, but by his conduct and example makes them free.

That’s leadership! Leadership is not about being perfect; it’s about progress and purpose. So stand up, take an honest look in the mirror, and set your course to lead boldly in the light. Your team, your organization, and the future are counting on you. Now is the time to lead with character and heart — or as we say in the Navy, steady your helm and sail true.

Think on These Things

  • Ecclesiastes 10:16 (ESV): “Woe to you, O land, when your king is a child, and your princes feast in the morning!” Leadership Insight: Immaturity in leadership brings instability and poor governance. A leader focused on indulgence rather than responsibility will fail their people. Emotional and spiritual maturity is a non-negotiable trait of trustworthy leaders. Coaching Prompt: Are there areas in your leadership where you’re reacting rather than responding with maturity? What disciplines can you build today to mature in decision-making and self-control?
  • Isaiah 3:12 (NIV): “Youths oppress my people, women rule over them. My people, your guides lead you astray; they turn you from the path.” Leadership Insight: Leadership is not about who holds the title — it’s about whether you’re leading others in the right direction. Even well-intentioned leaders can misguide people if they’re not grounded in truth, vision, and values. Coaching Prompt: Are you clear on your moral compass and long-term mission? When was the last time you evaluated whether your leadership is leading people closer to truth — or turning them off course?
  • Proverbs 29:12 (NLT): “If a ruler pays attention to liars, all his advisers will be wicked.” Leadership Insight: Leaders who embrace flattery or dishonesty corrupt the culture around them. What you tolerate — or reward — sets the standard. When leaders ignore truth, they build echo chambers that collapse in crisis. Coaching Prompt: Do you reward truth-tellers or people who say what you want to hear? What systems do you have in place to ensure you receive honest, even uncomfortable, feedback?
  • Ezekiel 34:10 (NIV): “This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock.” Leadership Insight: God holds leaders accountable for the people entrusted to them. Bad leaders who exploit, neglect, or fail their teams for selfish gain are subject to both moral and spiritual consequences. Coaching Prompt: Are you treating your team as a burden or a responsibility? In what ways are you prioritizing their growth, well-being, and mission success? How would you lead differently if you knew you’d be held accountable for their outcomes
  • Matthew 23:4 (NIV): “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” Leadership Insight: This is a classic case of hypocritical leadership — setting standards for others without living them out yourself. This erodes credibility and trust, and ultimately destroys team morale. Coaching Prompt: Do your actions match your expectations of your team? Are you willing to get in the trenches when things get tough, or are you watching from the sidelines?
  • Jeremiah 23:1 (ESV): “Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture!” declares the Lord. Leadership Insight: Destructive leaders divide and demoralize. Scattering the flock can mean sowing confusion, fear, or even favoritism that breaks unity. God condemns leadership that isolates or alienates those they’re meant to guide. Coaching Prompt: Are your leadership habits building unity or breeding division? Have your recent decisions brought people together under a clear mission — or pushed some to the margins?

Resources & References

About the Author

Bob Fabien “BZ” Zinga is a trusted cybersecurity executive, Information Warfare Military Commander in the US Navy, and servant leadership coach. With over two decades of experience leading high-performance teams in both military and Silicon Valley environments, Bob has successfully guided organizations through complex cybersecurity challenges while building inclusive, resilient cultures.

He has held cybersecurity leadership roles at companies such as Pivotal, Groupon, Truvantis, and Directly, and serves as a Board Director for the United Cybersecurity Alliance and AZ Cyber Initiative, mentoring the next generation of diverse cybersecurity professionals.

Bob’s leadership philosophy is deeply rooted in integrity, service, excellence, and respect — principles shaped by his military service, academic background in science, and lifelong commitment to servant leadership. Ranked among the top U.S. LinkedIn content creators for #GlobalLeaders and #RiskandResilience, Bob continues to coach and inspire emerging military officers and tech leaders to lead with character, courage, and inclusion.

🎯 I write and speak about: #Cybersecurity | #AI | #EmergingTechnology | #Leadership | #CorporateGovernance | #NationalSecurity, especially in the United States Department of Defense, US Navy, #HigherEducation, and #HighTech #Public & #Startups sectors.

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